Torchwood Birthday Party
by PinkFairy727
Summary: How the team celebrate each members birthday. Spoilers for series 2. Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood
1. Jack

_It had been Gwen's idea initially, another way to bring the human element back to Torchwood. She had insisted that they were all to do something, together, as a team, every time somebody's birthday came around. _

_And there was going to be no exceptions!_

* * *

**Jack**

It had taken weeks- and a combination of Tosh, Ianto and an alien calendar Tosh had been making in her spare time to work out when his birthday actually was- to find out when to throw Jack's party. Gwen had been hours away from going and demanding Jack picked a day, any day, unable to stand not knowing any longer.

In the end, nobody could really remember much about Jack's party.

Most of the night was a fuzzy blur: this is what happens when you drink copious amounts of alcohol that have come through the rift.

Tosh was the first to wake up the morning after the party and the first thing she wanted to know was why she felt like there was a herd of angry Weevils running through her head. Then she wanted to know why she was still at the Hub. And why she seemed to have fallen asleep on top of her desk.

That was the last time she was drinking with Captain Jack Harkness.

She could only remember a few details from the party; she remembered giving Jack his present, a Vera Lynn record plus a new record player to play it on- neither Jack nor Ianto would say what had happened to Jack's old one.

Tosh also thought she may have been dancing with Owen at one point.

She stood up and went in search of Doctor Harper's miracle hangover cure, stepping over the unconscious medic as she went. Perhaps the rest of the team would have a better idea about what happened.

Gwen had also fallen asleep on her desk. Her phone was open in front of her, an empty bottle of wine still clutched in her right hand.

…It didn't look like her teammates were going to be much use in recollecting the events of the previous night.

She paused on her way to the autopsy room, to gaze at the last of her teammates.

Jack and Ianto were wrapped around each other so tightly it was hard to see where one started and one ended. She was, however, helped slightly by the fact that Jack seemed to have misplaced his shirt at some point last night.

The man always was a shameless hussy.

It seemed they had passed out on the sofa behind Owen's workstation. At least it was better than the floor where Owen himself was sleeping, or the desk Gwen was drooling on.

Ianto was waking up. She quickly moved away, not wanting to be caught staring no matter how cute they looked.

* * *

Owen's tablets obtained, Tosh made her way back to her workstation, Owen and Gwen both still out for the count. She could hear Owen muttering in his dreams, something about Jack stealing his action man and refusing to give it back.

Jack was still asleep on the sofa, but somebody, (she hoped it was Ianto, she wasn't in any fit state to deal with an escaped Weevil), had draped his RAF coat over him.

After a precautionary rift-activity check- _all clear, not bad for a Monday morning_- she accessed the CCTV footage of the night before, hoping to get a better idea of just what had happened the night before.

It seemed to have started out reasonably normal- they were just eating and drinking.

Then they were giving Jack his presents, with more drinking.

Then they started dancing, even more drinking.

Tosh groaned.

It couldn't be.

Oh, but it was.

Who the hell had brought a karaoke machine into the Hub?!

She was going to kill Gwen.

Some of the images of last night were coming back. No wonder they had all drank so much.

Jack had, unsurprisingly, been the first up, jumping around singing 'I'm Feeling Good', swigging his champagne straight from the bottle. Owen and Gwen had gotten up after that, singing a duet she recognized but couldn't name.

Ianto had gone next. She was too busy giggling at his rendition of 'All That Jazz' that she didn't hear him approaching her.

A very disheveled Ianto groaned, "I thought I had dreamt that. Remind me _never _to let Jack pick my karaoke songs." He placed her coffee on the desk next to her PC, "You're never going to let me live that down are you?" indicating the screen with his head, Tosh just grinned at him.

"I'm sure Jack and Owen will have a few things to say on the subject."

Ianto grimaced.

"Want to watch the rest? I'm sure there are some embarrassing clips of Jack and Owen," Ianto nodded madly, "Nothing embarrasses Jack, but there might be something with Owen."

Tosh pressed play, "Can we skip this bit though?"

Ianto flinched as the Ianto on screen resumed his singing, complete with jazz hands.

* * *

Two hours later, Tosh and Ianto had been joined by Jack, a still half naked Jack. Gwen, who was now wrapped up in one of Jack's old dressing gowns, also joined them, vowing never to drink whisky from the planet Zogg again.

Owen was still asleep on the floor. It sounded like Jack had returned his action man but had now stolen his Barbie doll.

The CCTV team was now really getting into the swing of things. Even Tosh had been persuaded to sing, thanks mostly to a bottle and a half of red wine.

They had relived the horror of the entire Torchwood team singing YMCA as well as The Time Warp. This explained where Jack had lost his shirt, though it still didn't explain why. Then again, this was Jack they were talking about.

Ianto walked off to make more coffee, unable to face the screen showing him and Jack singing 'You're The One That I Want' from Grease.

There was a reason he didn't like karaoke.

At least karaoke that was being filmed and he could relive the next day.

Once it was over he returned with coffee, toast and a packet of paracetamol for Gwen, Tosh having used the last of Owen's tablets. Who was sure to be _overjoyed _when he found out.

Gwen blushed at the next piece of footage: her singing down the phone to Rhys.

Ianto buried his head in Jacks shoulder; refusing to open his eyes until the footage of him serenading Jack had finished.

Jack made a mental note to get a copy of that footage.

The Captain had gone around serenading the entire team, who each rewarded him with a kiss – even Owen.

Tosh banged her head off her desk and started to swear in Japanese when it was her turn. Once she realized they had all decided it was a good idea to sing stupid love songs to each other, she had a nasty suspicion she knew what her footage would show.

Sure enough, a decidedly drunk Tosh was singing, though perhaps slurring was a better adjective, to Owen. She should never be allowed to drink again…and what on earth had possessed her to sing 'You're Still the One' by Shania Twain?

She didn't even like Shania Twain!

Finally it was Owen's turn.

They all stared at the monitor, each of them trying to process what they were seeing.

A huge rumble of laughter woke Owen with a start. Once the world had stopped spinning he moved towards the commotion.

Everybody was crouched over, laughing; tears were streaming down Gwen's face while Tosh was sprawled across her desk. Ianto looked as if all his Christmas' had come at once.

Owen realized this wasn't going to be good.

Jack pulled Ianto out of the way so that Owen could see what they were all laughing at. Owen saw himself on screen singing, horribly out of tune, too, 'I Want To Hold Your Hand'.

The team couldn't decide which was funnier: Owen murdering a Beatles classic or the look of complete confusion on the pterodactyl's face.

* * *

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	2. Tosh

_It had been Gwen's idea initially, another way to bring the human element back to Torchwood. She had insisted that they were all to do something, together, as a team, every time somebody's birthday came around. _

_And there was going to be no exceptions!_

* * *

**Tosh**

"I'm sorry, Tosh," Jack smiled apologetically, "I promise this is not what we had in mind when we said we wanted to do something for your birthday."

She smiled back; she didn't mind really, she hadn't exactly been looking forward to all the attention.

The team was all in the SUV, listening to the rain as it hurled itself against the car. Each one taking a drink of the thermos of coffee Ianto had brought before passing it on to the next person.

They were in the middle of the Welsh countryside; locals had been reporting sightings of little creatures with big heads and a penchant for sheep. Torchwood had been asked to investigate and if these little buggers were what Jack thought they were, well, then it was going to take the entire team to catch them.

As long as they didn't start eating the cows they should be okay. Past experience had told him that Pixies and raw beef was _not _a good combination.

Tosh was playing with the software on her laptop, checking to see if any of the Pixies were nearby. She was so engrossed in her software that she didn't notice Jack and Ianto whispering, or Ianto sigh in defeat.

"What the hell is Teaboy doing?" Owen exclaimed as Ianto jumped out of the SUV and opened the back of the car. Jack just winked.

Ianto returned very quickly, looking very wet, and was carrying an equally wet box.

"Happy Birthday, Tosh," Jack grinned as Ianto handed the box over.

"I would have brought your presents as well but there wasn't enough room in the back," Ianto explained as Tosh opened the box to find a large chocolate cake with bright pink icing, with the words Happy Birthday Toshiko written in white lettering.

Tosh leaned over to kiss Ianto on the cheek, "Thank you Ianto, it's very thoughtful of you."

"What about me?" Jack asked. "I helped pick the cake."

"That explains the pink," Owen muttered, not very quietly. Gwen tried, and failed, to pass her laugh off as a cough, while Jack glared.

"Yep," replied Tosh, "But Ianto was the one who got out of the car, in the pouring rain, to get it."

Jack pouted. This time Gwen didn't bother to try and smother her laugh with a cough.

Ianto stuck his tongue out at Jack when Tosh had turned to cut her cake. The eye roll Jack replied with would have been effective had he managed to keep a straight face.

Owen had just finished guzzling the last of the cake when Tosh's scanners picked up the creatures. In a few seconds Jack was out of the car issuing orders, Gwen and Owen close behind. Tosh ran a few more scans before she followed them.

Owen was already complaining about the wind, rain, and mud while Gwen just laughed. Ianto was standing next to her with an umbrella so her scanner didn't get wet.

This may not be a normal birthday by most people's standards Tosh mused as Jack dished out more orders. But she would take this over a normal party any day.

* * *

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	3. Gwen

_It had been Gwen's idea initially, another way to bring the human element back to Torchwood. She had insisted that they were all to do something, together, as a team, every time somebody's birthday came around. _

_And there was going to be no exceptions!_

* * *

**Gwen**

Gwen and Rhys were walking home, hand in hand, Gwen's teammates in front of them.

The team had been out to celebrate Gwen's birthday. Jack had insisted on paying for the entire meal as part of her birthday celebration and Owen had taken great delight in exploiting this.

Everything had been great. Jack had kept them all amused telling his ridiculous stories; she was familiar with the look on Rhys' face, trying to work out whether he was being serious or not.

She and the rest of the team had long since stopped caring.

Tosh had spent most of the evening staring at Owen, who seemed completely oblivious, more interested in the blonde waitress serving the couple at the table next to them. She assumed Ianto had noticed Tosh's staring- she'd blushed slightly when he had leaned over to whisper something into her ear.

For once nothing had come through the rift intending to take over the world or migrate to Cardiff. Tosh's PDA had beeped half way through the meal making the team slump their shoulders in resignation. However, it had been a false alarm; it was only an email informing her that a jedi7532 had outbid her for a limited edition Sailor Moon action figure. And that there was only fifteen minutes left before the auction ended.

Tosh had disappeared for ten minutes shortly after and had looked quite pleased with herself when she returned.

About a week later, Ianto would send out an email reminding them _not _to use the Hub's address when ordering items online.

Walking home the team had split up, but only with a slight gap separating them all. Tosh and Owen were out in front, Owen's leather jacket wrapped around her shoulders, Jack and Ianto were only a few steps behind them, Jack's coat billowing out behind him in the warm evening wind, and, of course, Gwen and Rhys behind them.

Tosh stopped Owen and pointed at a park in the distance, the sound of live music was drifting down towards them, they waited for everybody to catch up, pointing out the concert.

"Anyone in a hurry to get home?" Jack inquired. When they all replied no, he gestured towards the music. "Lead on Miss Sato."

It didn't take them long to reach the source of the music; a brass band was set up in the bandstand, right in the centre of the park. The group stood at the back of the small crowd that had gathered to enjoy the music on the warm summer night.

"No. No way. Not going to happen." It was about twenty minutes into the performance and the team had all turned to face Jack and Ianto: Ianto was shaking his head and Jack's eyes were gleaming.

"Ianto Jones, when are you going to realise that I never take no for an answer?"

With that Jack grabbed Ianto's hands and started to waltz him around the park. The others laughed, despite his initial protests Ianto seemed to be enjoying himself and was allowing Jack to lead, despite only narrowly avoiding a couple of trees and one very curious poodle.

Following suit, Owen asked Tosh to dance, kissing her hand and making her blush profusely. They weren't dancing as extravagantly as Jack and Ianto but Gwen had never seen Tosh smile as bright.

It took her a few seconds to realize that Rhys was holding out his hand, "May I have this dance, my lady?" She grinned and immediately moved into his embrace. They barely moved, not listening to the music, just swaying to their own beat.

For one night there were no Weevils, no rift in space and time running through Cardiff, just the two of them. They didn't get many moments like this, so she was going to bloody well enjoy them when they did arise.

* * *

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	4. Ianto

_It had been Gwen's idea initially, another way to bring the human element back to Torchwood. She had insisted that they were all to do something, together, as a team, every time somebody's birthday came around. _

_And there was going to be no exceptions!_

* * *

**Ianto**

Ianto's birthday was a day he wasn't looking forward to.

Unfortunately, the pain in his arm, the needles Owen was sticking into him, and the deep ache in his muscles were all proving hard to ignore.

Breaking his arm chasing a Weevil six days before his birthday was nothing more than annoying. But, to make matters worse, he had then come down with a strain of alien flu. One of the strains, of course, Owen hadn't encountered before, which meant Owen was taking even more blood samples than normal.

Ianto had always hated needles, he felt like a human pincushion.

And despite what Owen thought, Ianto _could_ see the slight smirk on his face every time Gwen, Tosh or Jack insisted on holding his hand.

The effects of the flu were receding slightly as the medication Owen was giving him started to take affect and he wanted nothing more than to go home, curl up and sleep in his nice, big, warm bed for a week. Two weeks even, if no Weevils or malicious aliens attempted to take over the planet.

As soon as Ianto had become infected, Owen had administered a strict "No drink, no sex, no coffee" rule until further notice. Ianto was quite proud of the fact that he had only threatened to shoot the doctor four times since he had enforced the stupid rule. Jack was also refusing to let him do any work, insisting he stayed in the medical bay where Owen could keep an eye on him.

So, Ianto was very bored, very restless, and fighting off the urge to get out of bed and clean the Hub, knowing that, try as they might, the team would be incapable of keeping the place as clean as he liked.

He vowed to serve Jack and Owen instant coffee for a week once he was allowed near the coffee machine again.

He did take some pleasure in the fact that nobody else had managed to get the machine to work and were now relying on Starbucks to satisfy their caffeine fix-

not very practical when you require caffeine at three in the morning, because another alien diary had fallen through the rift and was biting anything that came near it.

The morning of his birthday, Ianto woke up to find somebody (probably Gwen and her insistence that they celebrate each other's birthdays) had decorated the medical bay where Owen was making him stay.

Neither Jack nor Owen was willing to allow the notion of him going home, and there was barely enough space for Jack and one more person in his room so Jack, Ianto, plus Owen and all the equipment he insisted on hooking Ianto up to every other hour? There was no way they would all fit in the small room under Jack's office no matter how hard they tried.

Now, instead of being almost painfully bright white, the medical bay was covered in balloons, party streamers and a big, yellow banner saying "Happy Birthday, Ianto!"

He vaguely remembered Gwen asking him if he wanted a party at the Hub or if he wanted to do something away from work and sighed: it was probably a good thing he hadn't wanted to go out, anyway, being that the chances of Owen letting him out of the room for more than ten minutes, never mind the entire Hub, were pretty non-existent.

Jack, who had fallen asleep in the chair next to Ianto's bed- as he had every night since Ianto had fallen ill- grunted awake as the three remaining members of the team returned carrying presents and cards.

Owen insisted that Ianto was subjected to more tests before he was allowed to open any presents.

And he had to eat something.

Damn doctor.

Ianto was happy to oblige on the food front as long as long as it wasn't soup; he had eaten enough soup in the last three days to last him a lifetime.

Yes, he appreciated Gwen dropping in and trying to mother him, but if she tried to make him eat one more bowl of tomato soup, (or vegetable or chicken or carrot and coriander…) then he was walking out of the Hub, regardless of Owens orders.

Owen's tests complete (his fever had come down but it would still be at least twenty-four hours before he could return to his apartment) the team was given permission to hand over their gifts.

Gwen had bought him a new waistcoat, having found out his measurements from Jack, Tosh bought him a yearly pass for St Fagan's National History Museum, where she knew he liked to go on his days off, while Owen had bought him a new diary.

A few weeks earlier, Jack had insisted on taking the entire team camping. After their run in with the cannibals last year, Jack had insisted they go back to the countryside every few months, but this was the first time they had camped for more than one night.

Owen hadn't wanted to go and collect more firewood on his own, and knowing nobody would be happy at being woken up, he decided to raid the tents and the SUV.

Had he known that he had hold of Ianto's diary, not just some random book, he probably wouldn't have thrown it on the fire. Not without reading it first, anyway.

To say Ianto was pissed off when he realized what Owen had done was an understatement. Jack had, thankfully, taken his gun off of him, in case he felt the need to shoot him again.

However, he did assign Owen the task of keeping watch all night, arguing that dead men don't need sleep.

Jack was holding two packages; the first one contained three items: a new stopwatch, a book titled _Hide and Seek: Rules, Tactics and Cheating Strategies_ and two tickets to see the RSC tour production or King Lear.

He handed over the second package, smirking just slightly. The gift tag read:_ Ianto. To assist in your dabbling. Love, Martha._

Ianto ripped open the paper and started to laugh at the present Martha had sent him, immediately triggering a coughing fit. Once he had composed himself he chucked the gift at Jack.

"Good thing red is my colour."

The rest of the team decided they didn't want to know why Martha had sent Ianto a UNIT cap. Nor why Jack was trying to shoo them out of the medical bay as quickly as possible.

* * *

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	5. Owen

_It had been Gwen's idea initially, another way to bring the human element back to Torchwood. She had insisted that they were all to do something, together, as a team, every time somebody's birthday came around. _

_And there was going to be no exceptions!_

* * *

**Owen**

Planning Owen's birthday was a nightmare. How where you supposed to throw a party for somebody who a) couldn't eat his own birthday cake b) get hammered or c) get laid.

Owen's' party was a disaster waiting to happen. And what the hell where you supposed to buy the King of the Weevils anyway? Nobody thought that he would appreciate a crown or a cape no matter how fetching Tosh thought he might look.

They did let her make a photo of him in some on Photoshop for the banners, however.

Owen had stressed, repeatedly, that he hadn't wanted a party. He hadn't had one since Katie had died and he wasn't overly concerned about the fact. He knew, however, that Gwen wasn't to be deterred.

He appreciated Tosh's offer of setting up a wild Weevil chase when the partywas due to take place. He declined, deciding it wasn't worth dying again, which is what would inevitably happen if Gwen found out he was trying to sabotage his own birthday.

* * *

Owen would never admit it but Gwen was right. Even the rift was behaving- it hadn't spat anything out in nearly a week. It was probably waiting to throw something bigger out later, but for now he didn't care.

It was obvious the team had all thought carefully about what they were going to get him. Ianto had gotten him some new PC games- there was something very relaxing about torturing Sims after a stressful day at work, while Gwen had gotten him a few South Park series'. Jack had managed to get him tickets to see Supergrass and had promised, faithfully, he could have the entire weekend off, even if every Weevil and their dog decided to invade Cardiff.

Tosh had obviously spent a while on his present. He had seen her mucking around with some stuff over the last few weeks, but she had hidden it (_well_) every time he had gone near her desk. He unwrapped what looked like a replacement iPod.

His last one had gotten covered in purple goo after an alien corpse he had been dissecting exploded. Ianto had tried for three weeks to remove the purple stain before declaring the MP3 player, and Owen's favorite doctor coat, a write-off.

Owen had spent three days mourning. And that was just for the coat.

Tosh had made numerous updates to the MP3 player. She had already loaded his entire library onto it, including the Backstreet Boys album he was sure nobody knew about.

At least nobody else was aware of some of this shameful piece of information; they would never have been able to keep that to themselves.

She had also uploaded his entire medical database onto it and had done something so that if he updated anything, either on the MP3 player or at the Hub, the other was automatically upgraded. Tosh did explain how this worked but Owen switched off, more interested in the games she had added to keep him occupied during some of Jacks team bonding trips away from the Hub.

All in all, Owen summarized, not a bad birthday for a dead man.

* * *

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	6. Janet

_It had been Gwen's idea initially, another way to bring the human element back to Torchwood. She had insisted that they were all to do something, together, as a team, every time somebody's birthday came around. _

_And there was going to be no exceptions!_

* * *

**Janet**

Nobody had received an invite to the final party. In fact, nobody knew there was a party, until they arrived right in the middle of it.

Coming back from a reported vampire sighting ("_How many times have I told you Gwen? They are not _vampires_, they're _Vrykolakas) Owen, Tosh and Gwenentered the Hub and froze.

The centre of the Hub had been decorated with balloons, there were empty champagne bottles strewn over the floor and the remains of a box- the words 'Charlie's Cakes, Made to Order' just visible over the layers of smeared chocolate.

A large banner was hanging over the balcony, the words "Happy Birthday, Janet" emblazoned across the centre.

There were chocolate prints all over Tosh's PC, what looked like the best part of a bottle of champagne had been spilt on the floor and Owen didn't want to know what the green substance was that now coated every surface in his autopsy room.

Ianto and Jack were the last to enter, dragging the still unconscious Vrykolakas between them. Ianto dropped the creature, which groaned when it hit the floor. He then started to rant, very profusely, in Welsh.

Jack raised his eyebrows, knowing enough Welsh to realize that Ianto wasn't overjoyed by the state of the Hub.

Gwen was in shock at Ianto's outburst. Owen turned to look at her as Ianto stalked his way over to the kitchen, probably intending on making a cup of coffee.

"Translation?"

"Erm…well, Ianto said there was no way he was cleaning up this mess."

"That was it?"

"Well, no. That was the pre-watershed highlights, with all the swearing edited out."

"Who do you think did this?"

"I think I know," Jack, Owen and Gwen moved over to Tosh's workstation to look at the CCTV footage she was streaming.

"Is this live?" Jack enquired, Tosh nodded.

"I am _so_ not telling Ianto," Owen stated.

"Telling me what?" Ianto had returned, complete with a tray of coffee.

"Ianto, try and stay calm." Gwen placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure it could be worse."

"Gwen. There are…three, four, _five _Weevils doing the Conga in the vaults."

"Jack," Tosh had pulled up another screen with CCTV footage. "You know that Blowfish we brought in the other day?" Jack nodded.

"What about it?" Tosh swiveled her screen round.

"Well, it seems to have passed out in your office. And he's holding a bottle of Scotch."

"Er, Ianto, mate," Owen cut Jack off before he could start ranting about the Blowfish finding his secret stash of alcohol. "Have you seen what they've done to the tourist office?" He turned his screen to face Ianto.

Ianto swore again.

"I don't want to bring more bad news…"

"Let's hear it, Gwen," Jack replied. Everybody except Ianto turned to face her- Ianto couldn't tear his gaze away from the CCTV, showing the destruction done to his, previously immaculate, office.

"Well, there's a trail of yellow slime across the Hub. It runs straight from the kitchen to the…" She looked at Ianto, who had finally torn his gaze from the screen.

"Please no…" Gwen nodded.

"It leads into the archives." Ianto howled. Even Owen looked–mildly- sympathetic.

"Owen," Jack patted Ianto supportively on the shoulder but he was too busy banging his head on the desk to care. "Go see if the Weevils left any of the alcohol. I think it's going to be a long night."

* * *

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